The two biggest issues we've had have been her acting out to get attention, and ignoring me when asked to do something. Either can be frustrating in and of themselves, but they were frequently being combined (getting into something and then ignoring me when asked to stop). It was just getting out of hand with everyone upset (and Ann constantly being sent to her room for a time-out), and it was really impacting my attitude towards Ann (and not in a good way). Wanting to know how to best meet her needs while still having rules about good behavior has been something I've been praying about a lot recently. I definitely felt I first needed to change my attitude towards her and just try to show as much love to her as I could. While that didn't totally solve the problem, it definitely helped. I would do my best to tell her I loved her and show more affection towards her.
A few days ago I looked up more online about ideas of things I could do to help things improve even more. I had read a blog post from one of the many speech blogs I'm subscribed to about managing behavior. It addressed acting out to gain attention. One if the solutions suggested was to quietly move the child away from what they are doing, while hardly acknowledging them. Basically, stopping what they are doing but not giving them the attention they want by lecturing about how bad what that did was. So with Ann, I've started to try and intervene more physically instead of verbally to get to her to stop what she's doing. I'll still say a quick "we don't do _______", and then just move her away. She's been really good about stopping whatever it was and moving on to something else.
The next thing I found on some random forum was a way to address her ignoring requests. The thought was that if you are needlessly delaying meeting your child's needs, they will then in turn not feel the need to respond quickly to what you ask of them. I realized I was doing that kind of thing ("not yet, wait a minute, etc") in a overly zealous attempt to teach delayed gratification. So I've tried to fulfill her appropriate requests more quickly if there isn't a need to delay them. And if I honestly can't do something right away, explain why instead of just saying "wait" (eg "once I finish changing Ian's diaper, I will get you ________").
So while life isn't perfect (nor do I expect it to be, she is just 3 after all), I can already see things improving and life has been much less frustrating and difficult. I realized this afternoon as we got ready to pick up Tom from school that Ann did a great job of just using the toilet/getting her shoes on after I asked her to (instead if me having to drag her to get ready to go). And she was very helpful in getting things for the diaper bag as I got Ian ready to leave. It was just a nice change from what we had been experiencing. I still expect ups and downs, but I'm hopeful life will be a little more positive around here.
I got some great cuddles in with both of my cuties today. Ann helped me make muffins this afternoon. While they were baking, she gave me a great big hug and told me she loved me.
She loves to take pictures with our Nexus 7
Ann fell asleep during her quiet time this afternoon, so I got some quiet cuddle time in with my little guy as well. Too bad this mommy didn't get a nap in today too. I think my head, which has not been happy today, would have appreciated that.
2 comments:
My oldest had a tough time when I had my 2nd too. I remember reading books, asking experts, and talking to other parents in hopes of helping. What one I learned is that there's not always a "cure." I could do things that helped, but in the end, nothing I did stopped her behavior. With time, things got better, but it was because she decided to change, not because I did something that made her change. I don't want that to be a depressing note, but one of hope that you're doing a good job as a mother and kids will be kids. It's tough on them too and this is their way of adapting. They'll come around in their own time. It's just our job as moms to be patient and loving (which can definitely be hard at times!).
We had a little bit of a tough time when my second was born, but I think his behavior was actually just his age and not very related to the baby. We tried a lot of things, and some helped (he needs a lot of attention and physical touch - love language book for kids was great!), but I think it was a bit of a phase for him. Which we might still be in, haha. I like your ideas though - I need to try these with Ethan. It really is a big adjustment having multiple kids, and you are doing great! I totally feel ya! Good luck :)
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